Goodbye Mommaw W. We will miss you!!!

I don't know if I posted this or not but Jeremy's grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer right after the holidays. She had 5 or 6 tumors in her head plus the cancer in her lungs and lymphnodes. She went through radiation and just went downhill from there. They were trying to shrink the tumors.

We got the call Wedensday(4-25) that she had passed away that morning. :( We all knew it was coming but it still hurt to lose such a wonderful woman. When I first came into the family she told me to call her Mommaw just like her blood grandchildren. I never even knew her first name till we had been married for 4 yrs. She just accepted me from day one as one of her own.

I never could get around to see her before she passed because of all the times that I had been sick or one of the kids was sick. Couldn't get near her and risk giving her something. I wish I could have talked to her one last time or just one last look.

The wake and funeral were really nice. Her casket was adorned with red roses, with 5 roses to symbolize each one of her children. Inside the casket there was yellow roses to symbolize each one of her grandchildren and even some flowers to represent her great grandchildren.

Just like the preacher said during the service, "I can just hear her saying, ya'll didn't have to do all this for me."

This was on the inside of one those things (I can't think of what they're called right now) that has all the info in it. I'm not sure who wrote it but I thought it was beautiful:

"God saw she was getting tired,

and a cure was not to be;

So he put His arms around her,

And whispered, "Come with me."

With tearful eyes we watched her suffer,

And saw her fade away;

Although we loved her dearly,

We could not make her stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

Hard working hands to rest;

God broke our hearts to prove to us,

He only takes the Best!"

This is why I haven't updated with anything since Sunday. Taking care of the family. Jeremy is doing as ok as he can with it. I think everyone is.

Not Cancer!!!!! :)

I'm sorry I haven't been back. I've been busy catching up on housework which I'm still working on. All this stuff has piled on since my surgery and the days that I haven't been able to do anything. Top that off with a week of running around getting kids to practices it's hard to get anything done.

My results came back with no cancer at all! Woo hoo! I'm so excited. I can't write out exactly what he called the lump but it was basically a solid lump. He said that I could expect more probably. If they aren't taken out they could turn into cancer so I'm supposed to stay on top of it and keep doing self exams. I read while I was waiting on the doctor that a lot of physicians don't suggest doing self exams anymore. WTH?!! Please, PLEASE do self exams. You'll know exactly when something changes and it could mean the difference between a simple surgery or a whole regimen of treatment for cancer!! The faster you find something different the better. I messed up with mine and waited to long to get it checked out but in the end it ended up being fine. :)

Now, I know I promised a pic of the new haircut. Here it is: I need to dye my hair again. The cut looks good but the color sucks! ;) Also notice that I do not have glasses on. Jeremy told me I could get contacts for my birthday. I only have the one pair that are in but going in on Friday (I think) to order more. I love them! :)

This child never shuts up! hahaha She got up from her nap and I heard Mama, mama I bet 10 times in 5 mins. I love her though. :)
These next two pictures is what happens when you try to get a cat and a 2 yr old in the same picture. Do you think they care that momma wants a picture? haha

I'm still here...

Checking in to let you know I'm still around. The pain has subsided and is really only bothering me after I do a lot. Especially at night. I'm getting ready to take my last pain pill before I lay down. Still waiting on results.

Ball has started back up. This is going to be hell on me I'm afraid. haha

Princess has mites. :( Poor thing. Got some stuff to spray her enclosure with. Hopefully it'll kill them.

Pretty much all I got right now. Thanks for the prayers!

Waiting on results...

Well, I went to the hospital today. Had the surgery which was horrible, pain wise. It all turned out ok though. They got it out. Said it felt like a BB. It was the size of a pea. He said that it did not look like it was cancer but we'll have to wait for the pathology reports to come back to know for sure. So we're holding on to that. Ok that's the jist of it right now. I'm hurting so I'm going to go lay down for a little while with a heating pad. My sister is going to rent some movies for me. :)

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts!

Baseball and a lost snake...

We just got in from the ball field. I'm going to be there almost every night of the week, except for Mondays and Wednesdays. It was really cold at practice. I don't know if I'm ready for all this. hahaha

Last night Jeremy wanted me to print him off a resume. While I was doing that he got Princess out so he could try to feed her. Well, he was paying more attention to me and not to her so she got out of her feeding box and *Poof* she was gone. Talk about having a heart attack. I was concerned she would find a way to get into the room where the cat is. We tore the house up looking for her. Jeremy has a chargeable spot light that we used to look under furniture and behind stuff. Took us an hour but we finally found her inside the recliner. The little booger. Jeremy said that her personality is starting to come through. She's going to be on the mischievious side. I think I'm in trouble. haha

I've come to be at peace...

This will be my last entry on what's going on with me till after I'm ready to update on Friday. I'll still write about the kiddos or something else till then. I've came to terms with this. I'm no longer scared of diagnosis. I'm more concerned with the pain involved. I prayed and prayed the other night. I know that either way this goes I will be alright. If it goes wrong, then I'll be upset but I'll pick myself back up and move on to treatment. I trust that God has a reason for this, and I'll face this trial head on. He knows more than I do, so who am I to argue with him? Continued prayers are always appreciated.

Why is it that when you have something on your mind you tend to see it more often? Are you looking for it even subconsciously? I guess so though. Everywhere I go I see the word Cancer. Everywhere. It doesn't help that we're getting close to Relay for Life here. There are signs out everywhere in the county I live in. Even the TV commercials have more about cancer in them. We were watching tv last night while Jeremy was eating dinner and in one commercial time slot there were 3 or 4 cancer commercials.

Written I guess just to give an update on how I'm doing plus just putting it down makes me feel better. :) Have a happy Humpday!! :)

Bad day today...

I'll be glad when today is over. I still have my cold/allergies or whatever it is. Caitlyn had decided that she will torture me with typical 2 yr old behavior. Lord help me when she turns 3. First day back to school from Spring Break...need I say more? Went to the local sports store to get Christian some ball pants with 4 kids in tow. That was a mess. Came home and ate dinner.

My breast starting hurting some so I laid down and evidently fell asleep. I know. I'm not to proud of that. :( Anyway, I wake up and walk into Christian's room and it's white. WHITE! I had bought one of the big bundles of paper towels, had like 7 rolls left in it. I think you can see where this is going. I had two rolls left in the package the rest was scattered amongst the floor. When asked the kids said Caitlyn did it. Christian said that she made them help. So, I set the timer on the oven for 30 mins. Told them to clean it and if they didn't they were going to lose all TV privledges (the room had more stuff on the floor than paper towels, it was destroyed). They had 40secs to spare.

I feel so bad for falling asleep on them. :( It wasn't planned at all. :( I'm going to bed now.

I'm a bad scrapbooker....

Went to Easter dinner today and forgot my camara. No pics of the kids hunting for eggs. :( At least not yet. My mom had hers so I think I'll just get copies from her. The kids had fun though.

We got Princess out of her tank for a little bit today. I finally got a good picture of her (we got lots of pics actually).

That's Jeremy's hand beside her. She is so small right now. Just a baby. She acts just like a baby too. She was coming towards me when I shot this but she didn't like the flash so she took off the other way. Oops. hehe She did get over it though and came too me. I let her climb on my legs. At one point I laid down and didn't notice where she was going. I felt a tickle on my tummy. She was going IN my shirt. I guess she thought it was warm in there. hehe

Here's some more:
Her tank...
Her head...she's so little.
Full body...
Her tail...
I caught her under her hideaway...

After all the anxiety I had about getting a snake, I have absolutely fallen for her. I want to get her out all the time and just play with her but I know I can't. I won't get her out right now, she's just to young. Jeremy is the only one that can get her out. She still has not bitten or even tried to bite yet. Well, there was once where she tried but Jeremy deserved it.

Anyway, Happy Easter to everybody! Hope you had a great day and found all your eggs! :)

Tired...

We went out last night with a guy that Jeremy works with and his fiance and a friend of theirs. Had a really good time, although I coughed pretty much all night. Ugh. I hate lingering coughs. Mine seems to not want to go away. Oh well, it'll get better.

We went to a Japanese resteraunt last night with one of those Hibatchi grills. It's expensive but worth it just to watch them cook the food. Plus all the fire tricks they do. Then we went to a casino boat. We cashed out a $20 bill and each of us took $10 worth of ones. We came out with over $54. haha Well, Jeremy did. I lost all mine. My luck just was not there. His was though. :) We went to a bar and it was so dead. There was a guy performing. He had a guitar and was singing all by himself. Had the atmosphere of kereoke. I bet there weren't 30 people in this place. The guys wanted to play pool. Guess what no cue ball. Went down to get one. They want $5 PLUS your ID and that's not all. They don't have anymore cue balls left. Ummm no thank you. Went to another bar but wasn't feeling it there so we left.

Decided we should try breakfast, well one of the guys did. ;) Went to Denny's. Sat there for awhile before our order was taken. Horrible service. We got that meal for free.

Tonight we went to the pet store where we bought Princess and looked at more snakes. Jeremy wants another one. We've got Princess in the big tank now but I can't take any pics because she's going through a shed. She sat in her water bowl since yesterday till tonight when we changed her water. Poor thing was so cold. :( She should be warm now though. Nice and comfy. Keeping our fingers crossed that this shed goes well. It's her very first.

Anyway, we're at the store and they have an albino cornsnake. This thing is really freaky looking but really cool at the same time. It has red eyes! The markings on it are gorgeous. I held it and that sucker is high strung. No, we didn't come home with it. Jeremy wants to get a spotted python next. Need something that doesn't get very big. He's also looking at burmese pythons, Brazilian Rainbow Boas, and Anacondas. I know what you're thinking, cause I thought it too. He said that there's a kind of Anaconda that doesn't get huge. I don't know about it though. :/

There was a guy in there that was from California. He said that he found a rattlesnake once and put it on his dad's cowboy hat. Let me ask this, why would you do that? Let alone touch it? I'm so glad we had a discussion with Christian about snakes. We told him that just because Princess is a snake and he holds her, he is not to pick up one that he has found. If it's not from a tank, LEAVE IT ALONE! Jeremy doesn't even pick up wild snakes and he bred snakes for years. There are too many poisonous ones out there.

I've had a pretty good weekend so far. I've kept pretty busy so I haven't really thought about Friday. I do realize that I'm on the verge because I'm honestly scared. I know there's nothing I can do about it, so I shouldn't worry. It's really hard not to though. I'm trying and being gone the last couple of nights has helped. Now I'm not sure how I'll make it through next week. I can't go out every night. We'll just have to see!

Tomorrow's Easter so we'll be doing the family thing. I hope everyone's Easter goes well!

HAPPY EASTER!! :)

Update as promised...Pics of birthday party too! :)

Well, my appointment was today. Turns out the lump is not a cyst. It's a lump. That's basically all I know at this point. It's my turn for surgery. I'm having outpatient surgery next Friday to remove it. I'm bummed. I had really convinced myself that it was just a cyst like my gyno thought. No such luck! He said we're going in aggresively due to family history. He did a needle aspiration, well tried, but the thing is so damn hard he couldn't get anything out of it. Once he gets it out it's being sent to another doctor to look at under a microscope to see what it is. That is about 90% accurate. After that it'll be looked at again Friday evening and that test is 100% accurate. I won't get the results until Monday. It hasn't really sank in yet that this *could* be more serious than I thought but I've been trying not to think about it too much.

I got a hair cut today and bought a new bra. Yes, I caved, and spent $50 on a new one. Sue me!! Victoria Secrets sales associates are extremely helpful and nice. I ran this poor woman ragged because hey, I didn't know my own bra size. I do now though. :) She even came into the room with me to make sure that it fit right and I didn't flinch. I guess I figured that a complete stranger, although a doctor, touched my boobs what's one more stranger seeing the belly fat. hehehe

Here are the birthday pics I promised...

The second cake I made. It was strawberry.

The castle cake. Three different flavors, chocolate, strawberry, and white.
Christian and Caitlyn on the trampoline. It was a beautiful day! The party was held at my parents' house.
Caitlyn on one of Hope's birthday presents.
This is what our birthday girl was doing all day. Running and more running! :)
Here she is after all her running around. :)
Just cause I thought it was a cool pic. :)
Just because I thought this was a really cute picture.
Caitlyn is convinced she needs a bike this size. hahaha She screamed everytime we took her off. Of course my kids inherited my short gene so they're kind of screwed. hehe

I don't guess there's really much more to put here besides I hope everyone has a great weekend! :)